Here's a short story about discovering the [Lock Threads Probot](https://github.com/dessant/lock-threads)!

So you find yourself looking at GitHub notifications (yet again 🙂).

[![github notifications page](issues/notifications.png)](https://github.com/notifications)

Whether you're doing it out of obligation, or because [you're doing it full-time](https://twitter.com/left_pad/status/990778385621172224), you may find it overwhelming to look through it all (every few months you do a "Mark all as read" but you just did it last week).

You start looking through some of these again, one by one.

[![closed-issue-notification](issues/closed-issue-notification.png)](https://github.com/notifications)

You already realize that it's for a closed issue, but you click it anyway.

You notice that someone has commented on an issue that was closed over a year ago.

Enter the maintainer's dilemma: Do you start helping them right then and there, by triaging it or trying to figure out the solution? Do you just say: "Please make a new issue, because this might be unrelated or out of date"? Do you shy away because you don't want to offend? Do you just ignore it and realize you probably shouldn't be looking at notifications anymore?

It's these kinds of notifications that make you question whether it matters if an issue is closed at all?

I think Dan puts it well [here](https://twitter.com/dan_abramov/status/992773032325341184):

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en">Tip: commenting on closed issues or upvoting comments on them is usually futile. You’re lucky it somebody even sees them. Instead, file a new issue (and then you can link to it from the old one).&mdash; Dan Abramov (@dan_abramov) <a href="https://twitter.com/dan_abramov/status/992773032325341184?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 5, 2018</a></blockquote>

Maintainers are unlikely to want to look at closed issues (both in terms of time and how they try to help via the interfaces they use), and it can seem lazy on the part of the commentor if they think they can just add a "it still doesn't work" at the end. We need _more_ context not less.

It's understandable; as a user, you find a bug or issue with how you use an open source project and you think, "hey instead of making a new issue, I can search through the repo and find something similar and figure it out from there!" However it doesn't match exactly what you want (since you might be looking for more of a Stack Overflow type thing) so you leave a comment saying "+1".

But as a maintainer, you might end up finding yourself wanting to click that "lock" button.

## What's Locking 🔒?

![lock-button](issues/lock-button.png)

Locking was added on GitHub in [2014](https://blog.github.com/2014-06-09-locking-conversations/) (old discussion [here](https://github.com/isaacs/github/issues/38)).

In my experience, locking issues is something that isn't done very often, but it's really useful when needed. When a conversation is just getting out of hand or not constructive, you might temporarily/permanently lock an issue.

I just realized that in the process of writing this and checking the [GitHub help articles](https://help.github.com/articles/locking-conversations) that you can lock PRs and even commits?

> I'd probably argue we should probably lock/remove comments on commits by default? Or make it easier to link/comment on associated PRs? I guess this related how we do changelogs as well, and maybe a way to response to a specific release about questions/bugs.

![commit-comment](issues/commit-comment.png)

Actually, this makes what I'll be talking about next more relevant!

## Maintainer's Burden 🤗

If you are using GitHub and checking notifications, you might notice a pattern: you may randomly get comments on items that were closed over two years ago. Maybe the codebase has long been rewritten, maybe the issue was fixed in a later version, maybe the issue is actually unrelated.

This is another case when a maintainer may want to prevent any additional comments on a particular issue: not to prevent discussion in general, but to have a clear distinction between issues. Unfortunately, the maintainer has to lock each issue manually. And even then you might feel bad, because "locking" to some users is perceived as "hostile" because it prevents further discussion (but only in that thread). And you're already overwhelmed by newly create issues let alone old ones.

> To be clear, this is different from closing/locking an open issue or PR since that might just be a valid bug/request but low priority or just that no one is able to get to. Determining what to do with "stale" (or even what defines "stale") has pretty varying opinions (never close vs close after x days).

## Automate it? 🤖

Your next thought might be: shouldn't we automate this?

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en">I wish I could automatically limit further conversation on a GitHub issue to collaborators and/or people who have already commented so that random people don&#39;t come along and make comments on super old issues. It just clogs up my notifications 🤨&mdash; MICHAEL JACKSON (@mjackson) <a href="https://twitter.com/mjackson/status/990467330814558209?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 29, 2018</a></blockquote>

I decided to look into this after seeing @mjackson's [Tweet](https://twitter.com/mjackson/status/990467330814558209) since I remember wanting a similar behavior and didn't recall an API being available for locking at the time.

I searched again and found GitHub added it as a [preview API in 2016](https://developer.github.com/changes/2016-02-11-issue-locking-api/) and also added a lock reason in a [preview API in 2018](https://developer.github.com/changes/2018-01-10-lock-reason-api-preview/).

So has anyone done this already?

## Probot

[![probot](issues/probot.png)](https://probot.github.io/)

[Probot](https://probot.github.io) is a cool framework for writing bots (as a GitHub App) by [@bkeepers](https://twitter.com/bkeepers) and company at GitHub. It's a perfect use-case for this kind of issue.

> Personal plug: if someone wants to do a contribution to Babel, I made [an issue for converting our own custom bot to Probot](https://github.com/babel/babel-bot/issues/43) 😁.

The [Lock Threads Bot](https://probot.github.io/apps/lock/) is a Probot app written by [@dessant\_](https://twitter.com/dessant_) that automatically locks closed issues and pull requests after a period of inactivity.

[![lock-threads-bot](issues/lock-threads-bot.png)](https://probot.github.io/apps/lock/)

### Installation 🔧

Installation is as easy as going to the [install page](https://probot.github.io/apps/lock/) and adding it to your organization or repo.

> Currently, there is no real easy way to make this apply across all your repos, though you can use Probot's [extends feature](https://github.com/probot/stale/pull/106). I think for this bot-powered action it makes sense to just have the same config/behavior across all repos instead of needing repo-specific configs.

Now all that's left is to create and configure a `lock.yml` file inside the `.github/` folder.

Some options (at the time of this article) are as follows:

```yaml
# Configuration for lock-threads - https://github.com/dessant/lock-threads

# Number of days of inactivity before a closed issue or pull request is locked
daysUntilLock: 365

# Issues and pull requests with these labels will not be locked. Set to `[]` to disable
exemptLabels: []

# Label to add before locking, such as `outdated`. Set to `false` to disable
lockLabel: false

# Comment to post before locking. Set to `false` to disable
lockComment: This thread has been automatically locked.
# Limit to only `issues` or `pulls`
# only: issues

# Optionally, specify configuration settings just for `issues` or `pulls`
# issues:
# exemptLabels:
# - help-wanted
# lockLabel: outdated

# pulls:
# daysUntilLock: 30
```

### Made some Pull Requests!

I was able to make two contributions! (Shoutout to [Armin](https://github.com/dessant) for being so responsive! 😁)

In [dessant/lock-threads#3](https://github.com/dessant/lock-threads/pull/3), I added a new feature so that when locking, the bot will automatically add `resolved` as the `lock reason`. This should give more context to anyone that stumbles upon the locked issue and might be confused why they can't comment anymore. I also pinged a friend at GitHub about adding `outdated` as a `lock reason` in the future.

In the meantime, I got a suggestion to [use a label](https://twitter.com/pshrmn/status/991093233475293184) which in hindsight, is such an awesome and obvious idea! So [dessant/lock-threads#4](https://github.com/dessant/lock-threads/pull/4) implements just that: the ability to an `outdated` label after locking before the new `lock reason` is implemented.

[![lock-threads-babel](issues/lock-threads-babel.png)](https://github.com/babel/babel/issues?q=label%3Aoutdated+is%3Aclosed+sort%3Aupdated-desc)

### Use in `babel/babel`

For Babel, I didn't want to use the `lockComment` option because sending a comment would send an email/notification to anyone watch the repo or subscribed to the closed issue. As we enable this on the repo, the thought of sending 5k emails to my own "inbox" (or anyone still watching) seems totally unnecessary.

While it makes sense to do this silently for all the old issues, it may, howver, be a good idea for new closed/stale issues?

```yaml
# 3 months is a pretty long time
daysUntilLock: 91
# Don't want to notify/email
lockComment: false
# Only issue with PRs are fixed
only: issues
# Give context into what is being locked
lockLabel: "outdated"
```

## Todos

> There is currently an issue regarding locking PRs, so I've only enabled it on issues in Babel for now: https://github.com/dessant/lock-threads/issues/5.

[![outdated-babel](issues/outdated-babel.png)](https://github.com/babel/babel/issues?q=label%3Aoutdated+is%3Aclosed+sort%3Aupdated-desc)

At the time of this article, we have ~4.5k closed issues with about ~1.5k of them marked as `outdated/locked`, since the bot only does ~30/hour due to rate limiting! There's probably some improvements to the way it tries to filter out issues so please try it out and [contribute back](https://github.com/dessant/lock-threads)!

## Other Ideas

**Auto-lock "heated" discussions**: You could probably also make a bot that auto locks a thread (with a `lock reason` of `too heated`) if there are too many comments from different people in a short amount of time (say 24 hrs). It shouldn't be too difficult to differentiate between a regression where people complain vs. something like a [name change](https://github.com/babel/babel/issues/596) given the nature of the issue (created by a collaborator, can filter by labels, etc).

## Extra: Related Features

GitHub has recently added a few tools to help maintainers that you may or may not have used yet!

**Hiding Comments**: While editing and deleting comments has been around for some time, it can sometimes be perceived as antagonistic. [Hiding Comments](https://help.github.com/articles/managing-disruptive-comments/) was just added as a new feature to help make looking at issues/PRs easier by keeping the discussions relevant.

**Temporary Interaction Limits**: Instead of locking an issue temporarly, you can now do this across the whole repo. So even if a single issue is blowing up and you want to prevent spam/new issues until it dies down you now have a [few options](https://help.github.com/articles/limiting-interactions-with-your-repository/). You can it to only existing users, only prior contributors, or only collaborators.

**Archiving a Repo**: There comes a time when you may want to deprecate a repo, move a repo into a monorepo, or just not want any further activity. Previously, you had to decide whether to just unwatch the repo or just delete it entirely. [Archiving](https://help.github.com/articles/about-archiving-repositories/) a repo now allows you to make it read-only so that links to previous issues/PRs still work and people can still view the readme/docs/etc but it's clear that it's frozen.

---

Thanks to [Brian](https://twitter.com/existentialism), [Nadia](https://twitter.com/nayafia), [Tierney](https://twitter.com/bitandbang), and [Michael](https://twitter.com/mjackson) for reviewing!

If you like this kind or writing and want to support that or my open source work, check if you'd want to donate to my [Patreon](https://www.patreon.com/henryzhu). I'm trying to to this full time now!

An Issue with Issues


[TL;DR](https://twitter.com/left_pad/status/969793227862790144?s=20): I felt convicted to quit to do open source full time and am starting a [Patreon](https://www.patreon.com/henryzhu) to fund myself and focus my efforts on [Babel](https://babeljs.io)

So I just had my [last day at work](https://twitter.com/left_pad/status/964285313815400448) yesterday... and *deep breath*.. starting today, I'm [announcing](https://twitter.com/left_pad/status/969793227862790144) that I'll be pursuing full time open source!

I'm splitting this post up into 3 parts.

- [Part 1: Introduction: Why Open Source?](https://www.henryzoo.com/blog/2018/03/02/in-pursuit-of-open-source-part-1.html)
- [Part 2: Future Plans: Babel and Open Source](https://www.henryzoo.com/blog/2018/04/06/in-pursuit-of-open-source-part-2.html)
- Part 3: Funding: Patreon, Open Collective, etc (TBD)

## Introduction

In some ways this decision may seem out of the blue: everything was going great working on open source at work and suddenly now I'm quitting? Why leave? Open source can definitely be sustained by companies paying their employees to contribute back. It definitely did work for us, but I just wanted to do more. More not just in quantity but quality.

It's also been a long time coming: I had been seriously considering it ever since I asked my boss to work on open source at work half time. As I recall it, I had been working on Babel in my free time for so long and really enjoying it. In my mind, given that we use it at work, I got to the point that I felt the confidence to ask for time at work. I had suggested the idea of working full time since there was no harm in requesting it. I got a nice surprise when they told me, "Sure, let's give it a shot. How about half time? And you could have asked earlier!"

Wow.

They wanted what was best for me and were willing to try that experiment to see how it goes: both for the team and myself. None of us knew if that was what I truly wanted at the time. All I had were dreams and aspirations to do open source full time. It was hard to articulate what that specifically looked like let alone what I even found to be most enjoyable. I read and saw the struggles of burnout and the huge emotional burden that I might face. And maybe that was it. I just didn't want to have to feel the burden of having to go home and continue the work. By working on Babel at work it would feel up my other time and mental energy to do other things or just relax. But I found myself continually motivated to contribute.

In the end this experience taught me that working on open source entirely is exactly what I'm shooting for. So that lead me to think more deeply about how I might make that happen.

## Leaving for Open Source

When you find something that consumes your thoughts, do you wonder if it's an unhealthy obsession or just passion and maybe your calling? Even when I did work on Babel at work, I went back and forth on doing other things after work and just working more on Babel. It wasn't about the guilt of not working on it to push the project forward or satisfy our "customers", but just that I enjoyed being a part of something greater. And as I thought about it more I started spending my time differently.

I didn't just do the regular maintenance work of going through issues and pull requests but spent time on improving the overall workflow of the project, getting contributors, and thinking about the ecosystem as a whole. I realized that being a maintainer could encompass so much more and that even though there was pressure to do what our users complain about I was in the end free to do whatever. Why spend all of our time on short term gains (fixing issues) when the long-term gains are just as relevant (creating a better contributing process, participating in Summer of Code) and more important? All the things I cared about became more about sustainability, project management, and the future rather than making new features. But you keep digging this hole of reaching "issue zero" while you gain more and more users and less maintainers. It became clear that these kinds of tasks aren't necessarily the kinds of things a company would fund for even if they sponsored you or not.

Ultimately, there's no role for me on the team to be doing full time open source on Babel (at least at Behance given its relatively small size). And from what I know from big companies, they usually allow employees to allot something like Google's 20% time towards open source. If I actually wanted to go for 100% it seemed like the best option was to do it on my own. I've seen a lot of amazing people doing the same as [Evan of Vue.js](https://www.patreon.com/evanyou), [Feross](https://www.patreon.com/feross), and [Sindre](https://www.patreon.com/sindresorhus), and [Sokra of Webpack](https://opencollective.com/webpack) via Open Collective.

So enough with just dipping my toes in the water, it’s time to jump in.

## Decisions, Decisions

Perhaps both the scariest and most exciting part is the lack of any "exact" plan. My first course of action is to publish my Patreon (https://patreon.com/henryzhu) along with this post. I think anyone else would of stayed at work and waited until the funding goal hit a certain amount to "feel safe" to make a decision and leave. I waited until after my last day because I didn't want to stop working on Babel at work and I needed to avoid any conflict of interest and why I didn't announced I was leaving earlier.

But I'm fortunate enough to be in a situation where I have the chance to do this: it's earlier in my career, my family is doing pretty well health-wise (unlike myself 😛), and my own willingness to follow my conviction.

But even then, all the overthinking and analyzing in the world doesn't change the fact that in the end, I have to actually do something. There's _always_ going to be aspects that are fuzzy. After all, I'll be going into the unknown where the potential seems great but into a future with much uncertainty.

## But Why Open Source?

I'm going to step back a bit and explain both why I think open source is awesome, and why it makes me want to do it full time.

I think [Open Source Guides](https://opensource.guide/how-to-contribute/) does a nice job of explaining this. Open source allows people to to improve their skills whether it's something specifically technical like coding or something else like marketing, art, or communication. Because it's public it means there's accountability from your peers, and the work remains as an artifact even when you switch jobs. And importantly it's a place to build a real community around something we think can better our own lives as developers and for others.

Although I've grown technically, I've also grown personally. While open source in and of itself doesn't change us, I think it provides many opportunities for us to mature or at least shine a light on who we are currently. Working on something in your free time as a passion project can bring yourself joy, but seeing others get involved can be as much, if not more rewarding. I get tested in my patience, my humility, and learn to focus and communicate better. This can be reflected in the way the code itself is written: How good are our tests? Our documentation? Is setup easy and effective? But it's also in our process of releasing, the wording in our changelogs, the attitude and posture of our announcements and blog posts, and even our comments on GitHub and social media. It's why I gave the [Maintainer, Heal Thyself](https://github.com/hzoo/maintainer-heal-thyself) talk.

The bigger reason I want to do this isn't just so I can code all day on a project I like (but I will be doing plenty of that, rest assured). Maybe what I'm trying to say is that the parts of open source that I've discovered I appreciate the most, are the ones _least_ related to the actual act of coding, but rather everything surrounding it and what it enables.

## Discovering Community

Maybe I'm not supposed to expand the definition of open source as a term about the code itself, but I see it more as the encompassing of the community that gets created as a result of it. It's not that we emphasize code less, but we take more active steps to create opportunities for everything else that a maintainer does to be more explicit. Learning to find and empower people to work on what they enjoy and are good at is the goal whether it's code, documentation, copywriting, art, triage, etc. I think it's on us to not just put out a call for contributors or good first issues (all of which I've done and will continue to do) but create examples from the past of what's possible and point towards what's ahead for them to discover on their own.

When I'm full time, I could easily just continue to hack away on code. But in the end, it makes me want to think bigger; not just "more" of the same but a change in kind.

If software is eating the world (and open source being a large part of that), I think there is much to be done with thinking  about how we can work to make sure it is healthy. Healthy for both users, contributors, and maintainers alike as there can be so much entitlement and complaining on all sides. And in spite of the negativity, the values of open source inspire me the same way my own faith community does: one that is serving versus just consuming, putting others above ourselves as opposed to selfish ambition, and lifting up rather than competing.

In that vein, I'd like to think more about how open source is done now and where it's going. How does it relate to companies themselves and how they can learn from how open source? What about startups? How we manage groups of volunteers, where many are remote and have never met each other, where the primary source of interaction is a GitHub issue? How can we bring in the best parts of the physical space into a more anonymous, faceless, and digital one? Sometimes open source, whether it's for a small project or a big one, can seem all too transactional and technical. Can we bring the community aspect more forward?

## What's Next

If you've benefited from my work on Babel and want to support my future efforts in the project and in open source at large, consider donating to the [Patreon](https://www.patreon.com/henryzhu) (or the [Babel Open Collective](https://opencollective.com/babel)). In my next post I'll going into more detail on what this will mean for the future of Babel and what other opportunities I'd like to explore. And it's not just me either. We have many other [volunteers](babeljs.io/team) who would benefit from being fully funded like my fellow maintainer [Logan Smyth](https://twitter.com/loganfsmyth).

Open to your comments and questions, although hopefully most of those will be answered in my next posts. But first I'll be taking a short vacation from everything.


In Pursuit of Open Source (Part 1)


In this post, I'll be talking about some aspirations. First I will briefly touch on what I've been up to.

- [Part 1: Introduction: Why Open Source?](https://www.henryzoo.com/blog/2018/03/02/in-pursuit-of-open-source-part-1.html)
- [Part 2: What’s Next for Me - The Future of Open Source](https://www.henryzoo.com/blog/2018/04/06/in-pursuit-of-open-source-part-2.html)
- Part 3: Funding: Patreon, Open Collective, etc

## It's Already Been One Month!

Wow, time flies when you're having fun 😁! I've been completely blown away by all the support towards my initial post ([~$2k/month donations in only 3 days!](https://twitter.com/youyuxi/status/970722976739086336
)) and even moreso from all your encouragement and excitement. It's truly a special feeling to know so many in the community have my back. I'm relieved. I do feel that I made the right choice even if it is just the beginning. Although there are many obstacles and challenges ahead (known and unknown), I have much hope!

In the last few weeks: I've more or less posted [daily updates via Patreon](https://www.patreon.com/henryzhu/posts) for donators, started a new laptop/chair/table/monitor setup, done a talk with an open source contributor or company almost every other day, and have had more time to manage both my mental and physical health. I plan on doing more journaling on my own and actually going to attend and speak at more conferences (so if you know any conferences that would like a non-technical talk about open source, let me know 😁).

I've certainly begun a different schedule than what I've been used to: meeting with companies and doing some releases/reviews. I plan on spending a good amount of time doing this in the near term to try to support myself and grow funding/contributors. It's possible it might take a toll on the current progress of the project, but we have an amazing group. Even then, I think it's a worthwhile trade for long-term sustainability for both myself and the project 🙂.

But to answer the question of "What's next", let's discuss about why I left Behance to do this in the first place.

## Intro: Why Leave Work?

Many people have asked me why I left, since I only went into a bit of this in [my first post](https://www.henryzoo.com/blog/2018/02/15/leaving-behance.html). I ultimately believe that leaving to do open source full-time creates more opportunities for both Babel itself and for me by creating freedom.

Don't get me wrong, I'm _not_ saying that I was trapped before. It's just freedom in the _time_ sense (although there's certainly a tradeoff that hasn't gone away with time vs. money). More time has meant there is less context switching between open source and work, resulting in a greater ability to focus on one thing, and the mental space to think differently and, perhaps, even bigger. It's definitely nice to now have such a flexible schedule; I can even travel home to Georgia whenever it's convenient (like I will this week)!

There's also freedom when it comes to work, too: I could've spent my time growing contributors or getting funding, but that could take up all my free time. Now with more time available, I have started again questioning "what actually is the best use of my time?", and have been thinking about it a bit differently. 

I do think everyone would be perfectly satisfied if I just "maintained" Babel in the smaller sense of the word (like fixing bugs), but it makes me think about where this could all go. Is that really all a maintainer does or can do? When I am able to think about things that no one else would have time to do (or no one would pay me to do), what kind of work would that be? I'm not really sure I know the answer yet, but I am taking it as an opportunity to try a lot of different things and to learn to be ok with having a flexible schedule. I understand a lot of this might not be easy to do, practical, or even actionable but it's something to, at least, discuss and try.

Ultimately, I think my main goal is to improve open source as a whole: its influence on how we live and its culture. I plan to discover that notion in daily, intentional practice through any specific project I work on (Babel).

## Some Ideas to Try

- More Involvement on TC39
  - Send team members regularly to meetings (and raise money for that travel budget since it's every 2 months) 
  - [Helping TC39 Champions and community members implement Babel plugins](https://twitter.com/_gsathya/status/977091858332569600
)
  - Maintain the role of talking with the community and TC39
  - Work on guides to make it easier to contribute to Babel and TC39 proposals themselves, make the workflow from idea to finished proposal seamless.
- Steward the maintenance/upgrading of community tools that depend on Babel: [example with Next.js](https://twitter.com/rauchg/status/977444280028381184)
- Do more mentoring and programs like [Summer of Code](https://babeljs.io/blog/2017/08/09/babel-and-summer-of-code)
- Or do we partner with schools, bootcamps, do a meetup in our locations to teach how to contribute?
- Content creation: videos (egghead, front-end masters), workshop.me, etc
- Livestreaming open source maintainance: Tierney has made an [awesome-developer-streams](https://github.com/bnb/awesome-developer-streams) list.
- Do a podcast on open source maintainence? (like [RFC](https://changelog.com/rfc) but on community)
- Work more with companies like GitHub to improve open source in general, or companies that want to get better at doing community open source (work out of their offices?)
- Partner more with other established communities like [dev.to](https://dev.to/), [CodeNewbie](https://www.codenewbie.org/), [Open Collective](opencollective.com/), [repl.it](https://repl.it/), etc?

## What's Next?

Some things I want to learn more about:

- How is open source as a whole moving in other industries and where we can learn from non-tech areas?
- Where and how do we bring in new contributors? What kind of story do we tell?
- How can non-code contributions be brought to the forefront?
- How do we handle the influx of people as maintainers? Are we really prepared to act the role?

## Growing the Community

Are we seeing a different picture of open source now?

While we shouldn't forget the [Cathedral/Bazaar](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Cathedral_and_the_Bazaar) model, many people don't even know what that refers to anymore. Open Source has "taken over" in the Age of GitHub. [Microsoft is "#1 in Open Source"](https://www.infoworld.com/article/3121792/open-source-tools/whos-no-1-in-open-source-microsoft.html). The [Request for Commits](https://changelog.com/rfc) podcast had it's final episode after seeing the renewed interest in sustainability actually happening.

Beyond everyone using open source by default and individual projects starting to gain funding, what about non-monetary sustainability?

Do we really want all the hype/stars/likes/views/downloads? I know that focusing on that leads to emptiness. Is simply increasing in numbers considered growing? Is connecting the world that great when the ties can still be so weak?

I think we should strive for sincere discussion and collaboration, even if it starts small. Maybe trying to grasp at a sense of community in something so large is impossible? [Can and should we please everyone that comes in?](https://nolanlawson.com/2017/03/05/what-it-feels-like-to-be-an-open-source-maintainer/)?

And if, in my heart, I think something is important, why am I not devoting my time to it? I know there is a pressure from all sides about all aspects of the project to get better but in the end the long term goals are about consistent, daily practice. So if we want people to stay, then we need to have processes and a culture that encourages the _how_ of people doing things rather than the action itself. But what can those processes be?

Freedom doesn't just make time for more of the same things. I think it potentially broadens the scope and hopefully my heart as well. 

---

Shoutout to [Matt](https://twitter.com/mlebrun12), [Daniel](https://twitter.com/Daniel15), [Brian](https://twitter.com/existentialism), and many others for reviewing many versions of this post!

Thanks for reading this far! I haven't gotten to far in thinking about these topics, so hopefully I have more insight in future posts 🙂.

In Pursuit of Open Source (Part 2)

Hello friends,

After two and half years at Behance/Adobe, I'm moving on! Or in Mike's words, graduating. 😄

> I'll announce my plans on what I'm doing next in a few weeks, so stay tuned (so this is also an announcement of an announcement unfortunately)!

## Some Background

It's been quite an interesting journey: I never would have thought that I'd be working with JavaScript tooling given my dislike of low level programming (and ironically compilers) back in school. During that time, I purposely avoided many of the core CS classes and chose to major in Industrial Engineering instead, of all things. I opted to do specific CS electives (like for UI, UX, ML) while working on side projects.

Before JSCS, my only experiences with coding were one-off projects: whether it was a game I made with a friend, a project in a school class in which no one was motivated, or a hackathon where there was a lot of passion but little time.

But looking back, it really didn't take much for me to want to be more involved in something bigger. Did I know what I was getting into? Of course not! I didn't understand the time investment, technical work, and later emotional labor of working on any open source whether as a contributor or maintainer; and now it's been more than 2 years of working on Babel for me!

- 2012: Via [firstpr.me](http://firstpr.me/#hzoo), my first pull request on GitHub was 6 years ago! I made some attempts to improve [Khan/khan-exercises](https://github.com/Khan/khan-exercises) and used GitHub to add my personal projects. Then I did a detour into [visualizations](https://github.com/hzoo/colorado-schools-filter#colorado-schools-filter).
- Early 2014: [TwitchPlaysPokemon](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twitch_Plays_Pok%C3%A9mon) hooked me in and created a desire to make my [own implementation](https://github.com/hzoo/TwitchPlaysX#twitch-plays-x), my first real time [visualization](https://github.com/hzoo/tppstats#tpp-stats), and submit another PR to related project!
- Late 2014: At work, [Jonathan Neal](https://twitter.com/jon_neal) inspired me with his enthusiasm for open source; it was enough for me to look into contributing to [Angular.js](https://github.com/angular/angular.js/) and through that [JSCS](http://jscs.info).
- 2014-2016: I spent a lot of time [contributing to JSCS](https://github.com/jscs-dev/node-jscs/graphs/contributors). It was then I found out about [babel-eslint](https://github.com/babel/babel-eslint) and through that Babel itself! I gained an appreciation for maintenance when writing my first release notes.
- 2015: Out of the blue, I got an e-mail from [Joel Kemp](https://twitter.com/mrjoelkemp) about working at Behance with him and [Mike Sherov](https://github.com/mikesherov). When I joined, I also got collaborator access for JSCS!
- Aug 2015: After becoming the maintainer of `babel-eslint` (since no one else [stepped up](https://github.com/babel/babel-eslint/issues/88) at the time 😄), I started contributing to Babel and eventually became a new collaborator along with a few others (including [Logan](https://twitter.com/loganfsmyth) and [Daniel](https://twitter.com/TschinderDaniel)).
- 2016-now: Alongside a small but [awesome team](https://babeljs.io/team), I've been maintaining Babel ever since! It's all been in my free time until a year ago. I asked to work on Babel full time, and they agreed to ~50% which was amazing.

It took a simple gesture of encouragement from someone I knew in-person to convince me to finally start. A joy from working on a tool we used at work to improve our lives as developers and in the community helped push me forward. Hopefully I can pay that forward even more for the people that want to get involved, but with more effort and a focus on guidance for that journey.

## Behance

Behance has truly been an amazing place to work. I really feel like they took a chance on me!

I was initally really hesitant about moving anywhere, especially to somewhere like New York from the suburbs of Georgia. But I took the interview since I was excited at the possibility to work in an environment that encouraged open source, especially in the community.

---

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en">Behance is a great example of doing it right by supporting <a href="https://twitter.com/left_pad?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@left_pad</a> working on Babel. <a href="https://t.co/nosbyN3DCA">https://t.co/nosbyN3DCA</a>&mdash; Nicholas C. Zakas (@slicknet) <a href="https://twitter.com/slicknet/status/960913196738428928?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 6, 2018</a></blockquote>

We've been able to work on a lot of open source throughtout my time here, on tasks that benefit both the company and the community. And not just for Babel either. [Kai](https://github.com/kaicataldo) also gets time to maintain ESLint as a core team member and many of our coworkers have also contributed many patches/docs to the various tools we use! [Mike](https://github.com/mikesherov) made a bunch of pull requests to webpack/npm to improve our (and thus everyone's) build performance.

> He called himself "Jovial Train Patches" at the time since he did all the work on his commute to/from work 😂.

Another thing we've been able to do is keep up to date on tooling. And if there are issues, I'll just have to fix them. 
And this applies even for "beta" software like Babel 7: we've been using it in production the whole time it's been developed 😄.

We were also encouraged to speak at conferences and be a part of the community!

Last year I had the opportunity to speak at [JSConf EU](https://github.com/hzoo/maintaining-an-oss-project), [React Rally](https://github.com/hzoo/so-how-does-babel-even-work), [React Boston](https://github.com/hzoo/maintainer-heal-thyself)! I even got to do a few interviews for work like [GitHub](https://github.com/open-source/stories/hzoo), [RFC](https://changelog.com/rfc/18), and [dev.to](https://dev.to/hzoo/im-the-maintainer-of-babel-ask-me-anything-282).

---

But despite all of that, we aren't just a team that just focuses on open source, quite the opposite! We have [behance.net](https://www.behance.net) and [portfolio.adobe.com](https://portfolio.adobe.com) to work on!

Most importantly, I've really enjoyed working on a team that is focused so much on growing and maintaining a community: one that is pursuing creativity. We don't have to care about advertising or money in the same way other products do. Aligning with what our users want allows us to do our best work and not compromise. It means showcasing what our users can do, helping them push their careers forward and building connections, and educating on best practices. For Babel we aren't just a tool to compile your JavaScript, but through our website a way to teach developers about JavaScript and the parts of the language and through the language itself a way to help the community participate via the intersection of the proposals/spec itself and implementations in browsers.

For Behance, it's a community of artists, and for Babel, it's a community of JavaScript developers. Thus, it's been an interesting dynamic to view how the things we implement at work apply and can be effective in open source and vice versa. I think corporate culture can move towards a lot of process and bureaucracy and pushback towards less meetings while open source (at least for a volunteer project) is the opposite.

I don't think I can truly appreciate the opportunities that have been given to me here, so it's sad to leave. But I'm super excited for what the future holds. Stay tuned for more!

All to say that working here just helped me realize the parts of open source that truly resonate with me: the human side. 

> Oh yeah and since there will be an open position soon, check out https://www.behance.net/careers if you are interested!

Leaving Behance


Just rambling off some thoughts about the podcast [Nadia](https://twitter.com/nayafia) and I are releasing: [Hope in Source](https://hopeinsource.com). Please check out [Nadia's post](https://nadiaeghbal.com/public-faith) first!

## Parallels

I started out in open source like a lot of us: wanting to get my name on a commit and counting on "getting" something out of it. But as I unintentionally committed myself to this vision, I learned to enjoy being a part of something bigger than myself. It wasn't all that dissimilar to my faith: I wanted to adhere to some rules to gain something; but as I continue on I learn that I've already been given everything in Christ and to live from abunduance from the inside rather than the outside. The last few years has a real test of faith in many ways: whether it be struggling with physical health in need of hope, moving to a new city, both joining/leaving Adobe, and ulimately quitting to pursue more of open source itself. Along the way I realized how my views on faith and open source shaped one another.

I've always felt that open source pushed against culture in many of the same ways that faith did: the idea of selfless service (why do we call ourselves maintainers/stewards, on behalf of others) to others, a focus on building a sustainable community (volunteering, tithing, etc), stewardship of our lives (time/money is a gift), and engaging in creativity (God is creative). To me both the beliefs/practices of faith and open source engage us in a way that moves opposite to the default self-centeredness we find ourselves thinking and engaging in.

## Faith and Work

When I quit my job back in March, I said I wanted to explore more of what open source itself was about vs. focusing entirely on writing code (or doing what we typically expect someone to do for someone doing "open source full time"). That "expectation" has haunted me for some time and it hard to do anything different; it's a reason why I feel like doing full time open source at a company wouldn't ever be the same. I feel like in any other environment I wouldn't have even given thought to this idea.

So I was elated at the opportunity to partner on this with Nadia. Why should we limit being a maintainer to just code, what of all these other possibilities? Maintainers clearly do have all these other responsibilities, why not focus on them?

## Imperfect Work

But we didn't have any big aspirations for this podcast! After all, that's how we came up with the kind of format that we have. It was hard for me to not want to "prepare" and study beforehand to be able to have something to say, but we both didn't want to turn it into some kind of journalism or research.

Rather we just wanted to share what we knew in a casual chat (as if we weren't recording). It's in that sense that I feel proud that we attempted to embody some of the virtues that we talk about in the podcast itself (to walk the talk): whether it's about how we aren't making this for some kind of external validation but more from an internal motivation of wanting to discuss and learn more (#3) or not wanting to either rush out a "release" and just do things at our own pace and making a set number of episodes to push against this idea of content for the sake of content (#4).

Does everything have to be so perfect? The mic quality isn't the greatest, we both hate the sound of our voice, I have no sound editing ability (I probably missed a lot of things, so you'll probably enjoy hearing the sirens of NYC in the background), we aren't especially knowledgable in theology. And yet here we are about to release a podcast. I hope that this kind of idea inspires in a way that you can feel our intentions in the way the podcast was actually done. God uses inadaequte, imperfect people in amazing ways and we can embrace that.

I'm so glad I was able to be a part of this: it's been a project that I really felt free to do just whatever - I didn't have to lookup how people did podcasts before and follow it or set expectations on the number of subscribers or if we should make money for it. It made it a joy to work on even if looking back it was a lot of work for the last 5 months. Not caring about the result really helped to push things forward all the while we tried as hard as we could to come up with a good title, artwork, topics. I learned to let go and just enjoy a good discussion with a friend vs. simple wanting to cover certain things.

## Public Faith 

There are lessons to be learned in so many ways we aren't thinking of that may be discovered in both learning/living in faith, so I'm really looking foward to the further discussions we will have with one another and the community. It's been such a blessing to be able to chat with Nadia; in some aspects I don't know of anyone else that I've been to really connect with about these two subjects in depth!

We do have similar fears about releasing something like this: faith/religion has it's stereotypes and saying something as deeply personal as this can be very scary as you don't know how people will respond. But it's just such a core part of who we are and we'd like to make it a more common point of discussion especially as we move to a world that is using so much open source and wanting to understand how to deal with community.

I'm happy to discover despite much difference in worldview we still have much common ground to explore. I've learned a lot more about myself, how to talk about the topics of faith, and enjoy it. That's already success in my book, whether we release this or not, whether we have a good or bad reception to it.

It's like what we talked about with evangelism, we're not going to convince most people of anything via argument. But I think I've been noticing how many things that seem secular are "religious" in nature and even the smallest things point to their own kind of cosmology and view. Believers will experience doubt, and non-believers may feel a sense that there's something more to be had. And through the telling of a narrative in a community of friends, we can share in stories that tells us about who we are, what makes us human, and where we find our *hope*.

## Thanks

Much thanks to Nadia for going this little journey for the last few months. Please let us know what you think! ~~Stay tuned~~ for a new [post](https://www.henryzoo.com/blog/2018/10/31/hope-in-source.html) that goes into the process behind this effort (behind the scenes)!

[Announcement](https://twitter.com/left_pad/status/1052290013059153920) • [Apple](https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/hope-in-source/id1437677655?mt=2) • [Google](https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9yc3Muc2ltcGxlY2FzdC5jb20vcG9kY2FzdHMvNzA0OS9yc3M%3D) • [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/show/5EXwiyKzPrrucncKyrHy0B)


Living Out in Faith

In the spirit of learning more about sustaining open source, why not try out a game jam/hackathon?

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en">Anyone want to make a meta-github game where you learn to be a maintainer? <a href="https://t.co/bfRtuee1Ks">https://t.co/bfRtuee1Ks</a>&mdash; Henry Zhu (@left_pad) <a href="https://twitter.com/left_pad/status/1050034930426830848?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 10, 2018</a></blockquote>

I was somewhat joking, but I think doing something in the vein of [Papers, Please](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Papers,_Please) would be a useful homage: playing through the game itself could be an engaging experience in the day to day of a maintainer. Maybe a game could help us all better emphasize with the many volunteers that build the infrastructure of our digital age and new thoughts on what we can do next. My hope is for maintainers to better understand themselves on balancing helping others and themselves, dealing with positive and negative feedback, and humility when met with entitlement.

And I was just realizing that it could be a nice complement to both [Hacktoberfest](https://hacktoberfest.digitalocean.com) and [GitHub Game Off](https://blog.github.com/2018-11-01-game-off-2018-theme-announcement)? And if making a game isn't your thing, maybe spend some time making a tool that helps maintainers, a guide on being a maintainer, or writing a story on our experience maintaining a project?

## Format

**Length**: Probably a month?

Many traditional hackathons/game jams are only like 48-72 hours long. But having done a bunch of them myself in college I'm not sure how much I want to promote that kind of event (although it was fun at the time): working through the night and staying up late, doing it through the weekend instead of during work/school, eating unhealthy food, having the pressure of doing something quickly and hacking it together. 

I'd feel wrong to promote the issues in maintenance and healthy methods of working by doing the opposite in the event itself! And given that both the ones I mentioned above are for a whole month doing something longer seems better!

As for the date: not sure, maybe in a few months (like May or something) whenever we figure out all the details?

**Location**: anywhere (it's online)!

This one seems easier, especially if it's not going to be a weekend event (it might be cool to help organize in-person get togethers if anyone wanted, but people can figure that out themselves too). We can setup a chat for people to bounce of ideas and help each other out. I think the meta-game of helping one another in the process of making your own game would be a great side effect.

**Participating**:

Looks like https://itch.io lets you start your own game jam so we'll setup a link there and ask everyone to link to their projects on GitHub. If it's not a game, we can setup a GitHub repo to link out to whatever you end up creating!

**Judges**: by the participants?

I don't think we need any prizes (or I haven't been thinking creatively enough yet), but it might be nice to showcase a few. Although I don't know what to expect with participation.

**Theme**: open source maintainance.

Tell a story about the life of a maintainer, an overlooked aspect of maintainership, or open source in a new light! Or maybe we should pick a specific theme within the above?

As much as it might be fun for a lot of people to just come together to work on a single game (and maybe that would become its own a lesson on open source and collaboration 😁), seeing everyone create whatever is exciting to them is even better!

## Some Ideas

Everyone is welcome to interprete how they see open source maintainance however they'd like, but just to jump start some genres/ideas..

- A simulation "game": something like [Game Dev Story](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Game_Dev_Story) or "Papers, Please" where you actually experience the work.
- What would a [idle/clicker game](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incremental_game) about open source look like, as the point of those games is that eventually the game plays itself.
- A RPG, where you learn the different roles of being a maintainer (not just writing code)
- A board game: could be just a "skin" over an existing game but could get pretty creative with this?

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en">Ever since <a href="https://twitter.com/left_pad?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@left_pad</a> talked about a game where you learn to become an oss maintainer, I’ve wanted to make it. It’d kinda be like Catan, but you’d collect installs and trade /w test coverage, sleep, &amp; dependencies. We could add a fantasy element — paid oss hours &amp; co-maintainers.&mdash; Jonathan Neal (@jon_neal) <a href="https://twitter.com/jon_neal/status/1050749732677664769?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 12, 2018</a></blockquote>

- Text adventure: I think it would be fun to come up with scenarios, based on personal experience or events that actually happened (now it's also a history lesson).

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-conversation="none" data-lang="en">GitHub You are staring at a web page. It is two o&#39;clock in the morning. To your left are 214 open issues. To your right are 37 open pull requests. &gt;_&mdash; Ricky Hanlon (@rickhanlonii) <a href="https://twitter.com/rickhanlonii/status/1050114818181668864?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 10, 2018</a></blockquote>

- Using Github itself: a more realistic "game" to explain aspects of open source through events.
 - I'm reminded of [Github Learning Lab](https://lab.github.com/courses), except intead of learning how to use GitHub itself it would be more about presenting scenarios in open source and how you might deal with them.
- Meta-game that I suggested: the game itself is a repo of a fake project on GitHub and uses real people to report issues, submit PRs, etc.
- Tell the story of a specific moment in your open source journey or something that happened in the community (adding a new contributor, making your first release, etc)

What would you want to see?

---

Either way, sounds like I'd be a fun time.

So.. anyone want to help me organize or set all this stuff in stone (I've never done this before)?

Maintainer Hackathon


> *Not a novel idea but wanted to bring it up: [reach out](https://left_pad.typeform.com/to/OCSQQG) if you're interested!*

EDIT: Oops this is confusing since I named this post the same as the [podcast](https://www.henryzoo.com/maintainers-podcast): [https://maintainersanonymous.com](https://maintainersanonymous.com)

I'd like to have more in-person discussions on the things we face while working in open source with other maintainers!

I know there's so much we already say on various online channels (a lot happens on Twitter, Slack, Github) but I think there's something to be said about an offline, consistent, local, more private gathering.

There's both meetups and conferences for languages, companies, and libraries. Maybe we could have some for maintainers? Although maybe not one with speakers stressed out about preparing for their talks and hundreds of people. I know [SustainOSS](https://sustainoss.org) and [Maintainerati](https://maintainerati.org) were both well received; and having never gone to either it would be cool to do another one a more intimate scale! (don't think we'd get hundreds of maintainers anyway)

I kinda just want to chat with some others in the same shoes, regardless if neither of us know the answers.. so a maintainer support group. (not to replace other communities like our workspaces, actual therapy, sports, church, etc but just a group who might have the same concerns, struggles, and issues)

Since there wouldn't need to be *talks*; we just need an excuse to get together and talk, right? We could get problems people are interested to think through before each meeting (documented in a repo) and get into groups to discuss or just gather a few folks together a see what happens. Hopefully getting people in the same place who care about these issues can aid one another in dealing with the human side of open source or anything we'd want to chat about on the [podcast](https://www.henryzoo.com/maintainers-podcast) I wrote about earlier.

And honestly it would just be nice to be able to know more of the maintainers in the area (I'm in NYC) and make connections across different projects. I've been way deep into JavaScript tooling land but I'm looking forward to learn from all kinds of maintainers (of any size, in different languages, working in various capacities) even if it's not from a technical point of view. This open source community can be so much bigger than the individual projects we are a part of!

As for a space, we can reach out to various companies in the area that use open source to host? We could always use [Babel's Collective](https://opencollective.com/babel) for funds as well. Or just chill out with some board games or dinner? Maybe we just need a hangout..

And per [Brian's](https://twitter.com/existentialism) suggestion, I setup a [form](https://left_pad.typeform.com/to/OCSQQG) that you can fill out if you're a maintainer in the NYC area interested in doing something like this! (or you can DM me on Twitter)

> *And I was just chatting with [Jason Laster](https://twitter.com/jasonlaster11) about setting up a ping pong meetup. We could meet at tech companies (since they usually have them), have the entry fees be donated to OSS projects, and use the rest of the time by contributing to open source?*

---

I know I didn't need a whole post just to say I want to talk to other maintainers but here we are


Maintainers Anonymous


>*This actually [happened](https://twitter.com/left_pad/status/1116312174119587840?s=20)! Please check out the site: [maintainersanonymous.com](https://maintainersanonymous.com)*

I think podcasts are a good medium to open up conversations about topics we should talk about in public but aren't, and to do it in a more conversational yet nuanced way (I was pleasantly surprised with how [Hope in Source](/hope-in-source) was received).

So I'm thinking of a podcast that isn't necessarily about current events or any particular project/language/event. And if it's going to be "timeless", then the format could be more by seasons (or theme) rather than per week. 

I think I'd like to talk more about the *how* (what it "feels" like) vs. the *what* (the content, which is more googlable) of being a maintainer. There are plenty of podcasts that interview guests on what a particular project does, why it's used, or how to use it but we could talk more about their motivations, struggles, and hopes!

## Goals?

To shed light on the process of working as a maintainer (bonus if we get more contributors from it).

- Empathy for maintainers as people rather than open source projects as code (e.g. who can be a maintainer, what exactly does a maintainer do)
- Present missing context and clearing up misunderstandings into what's "behind the scenes" (e.g. why does it take so long to merge a PR or make a release? what goes into it?)
- Sharing in the similar struggles that we all face as developers and as people (e.g. understanding what you know and don't know)

Maybe it's fine if end up with more questions than answers; I don't know what I'm doing here so I'm eager to learn and discuss with everyone!

## Topics?

Just some ideas and potential questions as an example.

- **Growing Maintainers**: How do projects inspire others to join a project?
  - Onboarding program, welcoming team, mentorships
  - Programs: Summer of Code, Hackathons, Company Workshop, Meetups, Conferences
  - Dealing with the fear of contributing
  - How to stick with it (not just how to get started)
  - What are the different ways to contribute, not just code? What roles are there?
- **Maintainer Struggles**
  - Learning to set boundaries: overwork, distractions, set hours of availability
  - Losing passion, burnout, handing off projects, letting go, delegation, etc
  - Pride, entitlement, dealing with negative feedback
  - Stories of failure, likewise handling "success" + pressure
  - Events like left-pad and event-stream
  - Handlng perfectionism, scope creep, when to release and "be done"
- **Money**
  - OSS as a business
  - How much do we need? What do we want money for?
  - How should money be divided?
- **Common Questions**
  - Why isn't my PR merged?
  - Why does a release take so long?
  - Why don't you do x?
  - What makes a healthy project?
  - How do we measure success?
  - Why do we feel so guilty in open source?
  - What's the nature of the relationship we have with the community as a maintainer? 
  - What is a project's life-span?

Example of a specific theme/season:

- **Language Standards**: I originally thought of making a Babel podcast (maybe I [still should](https://twitter.com/left_pad/status/1046045638612406274)) for this idea. People tend to think "ivory tower", so it could be interesting to speak with folks on TC39 to better explain how things are done, how to get involved, and what can change.
  - How does it differ from other language standards like C or browser APIs?
  - How has the committee grown over time in the mix of people: language designers, implementors, practioners, educators?
  - History of a specific feature: how does it get finalized?
  - What's a meeting like: who goes, how it is organized? Is there much arguing or voting?
  - How has decision making evolved over time? (the Staging process)
  - How is "feedback" received or taken?
  - How important are "edge cases": why does it matter?
  - Perception of the language over time: moving too fast, moving too slow
  - Questions about language design: performance, usability, teachability, aesthetics, syntax budget, etc.
  - Ecosystem alignment: how is the language shaped by tools, libraries, other use cases other than the web?

Anything about open source that you'd want to hear about or discuss that we don't say much about? Let me know!

## Format?

Releasing by topic or season seems to make sense. Can we go into detail just about a specific question, or just start with a general problem and see where the conversation goes?

I certainly don't see myself wanting to do a solo podcast so not opposed to just talking with a guest or doing a series of episodes with the same guest? Maybe it's better to try it out and see where it goes?

And as for guests, of course we can interview open source maintainers! But I'm curious about talking with contributors, people who haven't yet, or people in other fields that do "maintainer-like" roles on their perspectives?

Would appreciate your feedback as I'm still thinking through this!


Maintainer's Podcast

> *For this post, I adapted my thoughts from last month's "stream of consciousness" newsletter that I write for my [supporters](https://github.com/users/hzoo/sponsorship)!*

I wanted to share something that feels impossible to quantify at times: why we love (or learn to love) someone, something, or in this case, a place.

### You Are What You Love

Over the last year, a number of people have asked me why I decided to stay in New York instead of living in another city, moving back home, or even becoming a “digital nomad”. It’s an appropriate question, especially right after I quit my job [over a year ago](/leaving-behance) and unsure about what was going to happen next.

It got me reflecting about why anyone dreams of moving to the city, let alone settle there.

In so many recognizable ways, it makes no sense. Living here causes me to think differently about how I live: how I spend my time and money. Maybe it’s working multiple jobs, taking public transport instead of getting a car, cooking instead of eating out, rooming with people instead of getting my own studio, living farther from the city, and simply having less stuff. Is it worth putting up with all the effort, sacrifice, and inconvenience?

It turns out that for me, it’s been worth it all. And I can confidently say that because of how well I’ve meshed with one particular ethos of the city: that we [care about work too much](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Ti4wBKB4Yo&t=121) (for better or for worse).

But is that any reason to stay, when I've left my job and could go anywhere to work?

### Chance Encounters

I think the city compels a real, visceral reaction from anyone that comes.

"Why not?" is too nonchalant an answer to be convincing. Without some conviction I'd be forced to face reality and leave.

On paper it doesn't look so great either. I've told myself a number of rationalizations for the typical negatives of NYC: unpredictable weather ("I like having real seasons”), the busyness and hustle (“the city is alive, and I feel it as well”), the huge crowds (developing a sixth sense to stay away from Times Square), the noise (justification for buying expensive headphones), the smells (okay there’s no silver lining here), the high cost of food/rent/activities (developing money management skills). In that light, no wonder people here can be so jaded.

I wouldn’t always describe NYC as a hustle-filled, busy-bodied, anxiety-inducing place (it certainly can be for me), but instead it’s often an invitation for variety. The fact that people are too busy with their own lives means it can simultaneously feel lonely while a sense of solidarity persists, especially in times of strife (a recent example: when volunteers helped direct street traffic during the recent power outage). Everyone seems to have this unspoken, shared understanding of the struggles of life here. There's a certain conviviality in the atmosphere regardless of the borough I'm in; it's also embodied in the people inhabiting it. 

So I’m led to the conclusion that my reasoning (which I would consider a feeling) must come from a nebulous quality about living in an urban city. Something that can somehow override all those evident negatives.

I’d describe it as a deep sense of awe and wonder. Because of the occurrence of so many "chance encounters" during my travels this past year, I couldn’t help but notice that what I was looking for was something I'd forgotten about until moving here: *serendipity*.

### Defining Serendipity

It's something that is both unexpected and fortunate. It’s what I didn’t even know I was looking for but goes beyond my imagination. We can't force it; it *happens to us* and makes us feel alive.

> *..serendipity, which is the chance encounter that leads to a longer, richer interaction with a topic or idea. It’s the way that a metalhead bumps into opera in a record store, or how a young kid becomes interested in history because of the book reviews that follow the box scores. It’s the way that a course taken on a whim in college leads, unexpectedly, to a new lifelong pursuit. -[Engagement is the Enemy of Serendipity](https://dancohen.org/2019/07/23/engagement-is-the-enemy-of-serendipity)* 

### Active Waiting

Now that I’ve named it, I want more serendipity! Is it something that I can grasp or “take” more of? Or does attempting to strive and use effort to make it happen go against the whole point? I think not!

> *"..but a lot of times there is repetition. I claim that luck will not cover everything. And I will cite Pasteur who said, 'Luck favors the prepared mind.' And I think that says it the way I believe it. There is indeed an element of luck, and no, there isn't. The prepared mind sooner or later finds something important and does it. So yes, it is luck. The particular thing you do is luck, but that you do something is not." -["You and Your Research"](https://www.cs.virginia.edu/~robins/YouAndYourResearch.html)*

Most of us recognize the importance of preparation in many aspects of life. But does working towards that which isn’t guaranteed even desirable? I would say yes! We must face all sorts of unknowns in this life. A commitment to something isn't only helpful, but required to make sense of any of it. We risk failure, loss, reputation with the hope for a surprise. 

I'm learning that the kind of intentional exposure in continually putting myself out there opens up possibilities for greater personal connection with people and the world.

### Finding Community, Finding Home

I'm a part of some great communities here: my church, my (previous) co-workers at Adobe, and tech communities like BrooklynJS. And there’s always opportunities to discover new ones - most recently for me were groups like the ping pong crew at Bryant Park and the greater creator/startup scene in the city thanks to Patreon and Stripe.

It’s simply amazing how it things can tie together, how relationships can be formed so organically.

An example with my interest in ping pong: 

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-dnt="true" data-theme="light">A recent friendship story: this is Murat! Came visit his kids in NYC and was in the area when <a href="https://twitter.com/rauchg?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@rauchg</a> and I were just playing 🏓 outside. We ended up connecting afterward and played regularly (yes even those hot days) the last month until he went home last week <a href="https://t.co/g4YRcM9pXW">pic.twitter.com/g4YRcM9pXW</a>&mdash; Henry Zhu (@left_pad) <a href="https://twitter.com/left_pad/status/1016402883934392320?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 9, 2018</a></blockquote>

And this past summer, we were able to catch up and play again when he had an opportunity to visit!
 
[![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/50a0a0_562faffdc0914dd0b93900c448a71bec~mv2_d_5333_3000_s_4_2.jpg/v1/crop/x_0,y_234,w_5333,h_2533/fill/w_1874,h_890,al_c,q_85,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01/50a0a0_562faffdc0914dd0b93900c448a71bec~mv2_d_5333_3000_s_4_2.webp)](https://www.jonbunning.com/the-tables)

And a few months ago I stumbled upon this award-winning documentary about the ping pong tables at Bryant Park: [The Tables (15 min)](https://www.jonbunning.com/the-tables).

It was so inspiring to hear the stories of the kinds of people who play there. In some sense, the conditions aren’t ideal at all: it’s outside (the wind, hot/cold temperature), the tables/net are metal, and there are random people everywhere. But yet there’s a thriving community there. People from all walks of life show up: those who work in the buildings around the park taking a lunch break, others that are homeless, visitors/tourists on vacation, or even locals (like me) who have lived here for years without realizing the tables were there. It was so cool to see and convinced me to check out the community a few times since then; I recognized a few of the same people in the documentary and even had the opportunity to play & chat with them.

What that community helped me see was this idea that I could be a part of a long-standing group that doesn’t even have formal membership and yet is sustained. The fact that I could go to the same place and expect people to be there without contacting anyone ahead of time or planning anything out is so special. It’s like a hangout place (a cafe, someone's place) with the same group of friends week after week, but with a shared understanding that someone will be there.

A place where I don’t simply know of others, but I am inexplicably known by them.

### Anticipation

> *“There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations - these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit - immortal horrors or everlasting splendors. This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of that kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously - no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption.” - C.S. Lewis*

I've noticed more and more, every month there's a handful of times where I see old friends, people at meetups, coworkers on the subway or during a casual stroll outside. Like Devon, I’ve started to use my calendar to record the [past](https://devonzuegel.com/post/contemplating-calendars). And when I meet a friend unexpectedly on the street, I mark it with an 👀 emoji to remember the occasion!

I think back to the day before my trip to Romania in April. I was taking the subway home from a friend's place and randomly bumped into a middle school buddy visiting family at the 72nd St downtown Q station.

On another trip to Boston, I checked out a sister church of ours for a prayer meeting, and recognized the same friend I had met there two days later while wandering around for lunch!

And these opportunities don’t just come for people I'm already familiar with! I became one of those people willing (though not always initiating) to talk with strangers on flights. Even on a recent Amtrak ride back to NYC from Boston, Yusuf started a conversation with me by asking about my headphones and eventually we really connected in talking about faith and tech. As he says, “It’s not a coincidence that we met!”.

Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised that the probability of bumping into someone is fairly high, it's a dense city after all. But there's also so many people, so many things to do at any time of day, without knowing anyone's schedule.

I wonder how often I've passed by someone I know but was too preoccupied to notice?

### The Magic of the Web

Experiencing serendipity in the physical world makes me wonder how it's fostered in our digital lives.

> *Recently I asked for some help with Stripe support. I was surprised to get some amazing help but also the response: "It's pretty cool to meet someone who helps maintain Babel! -- I'm actually learning to be a web developer now, and I'm in awe of what you guys do."* 

Sometimes it's as simple as the chance to meet (email) anyone in the world.

As a recent example:

After Nadia [wrote](https://nadiaeghbal.com/public-life) about her thoughts in reading "The Death and Life of Great American Cities", I was really intrigued at the last chapter. I stumbled upon the guest of our last podcast episode on [cities](https://hopeinsource.com/city/), Timothy, by essentially searching for someone who had written from a faith background on the subject using Google.

His paper, “The City as Liturgy” resonated with me so much I finally had the courage to send a cold email. To my surprise, he was so enthusiastic to talk! In my understanding, getting a random email from someone (entirely outside your field or group) that is super invested in what one cares about means a lot.

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">Had the great pleasure of meeting up with Timothy! We interviewed him on the podcast after I was searching online for an interpretation of Jane Jacobs in light of faith and reached out. Cold emails and the warm joy of meeting in-person 🙂 🎧 past episode: <a href="https://t.co/Jd01Hrj9DX">https://t.co/Jd01Hrj9DX</a> <a href="https://t.co/zIzVpvmwwT">pic.twitter.com/zIzVpvmwwT</a>&mdash; Henry Zhu (@left_pad) <a href="https://twitter.com/left_pad/status/1129097595178106887?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 16, 2019</a></blockquote>

Soon after I had a chance to visit him in Boston! All that to say that being able to access so many people around the world does have some amazing benefits.

### Fear of the City

Despite all that, we constantly hear (even from myself) the audible sighs that remind me about the perils of living in the city: the loneliness, the performance anxiety, the impending doom. It's almost as if we turn and use the city as an excuse for our issues and long for an escape away to greener pastures. The city itself loses respect and becomes our scapegoat.

Instead of time healing all wounds, the grind hardens our hearts. We feel defeated by the environment. Being jaded is now the default.

The openness to connect fades away. Our outward focus to relationship and to others folds in on itself. We become skeptical of the world and those around us.

I remember a friend in my small group shared about a fear of sharing life, making friends, and being vulnerable because you never know who is going to stick around. People leave in a year, stay for an internship, move back home. Why should we put in the time and effort to make relationships in the city then?

But should we continue to live in doubt? We do it anyway.

> *"I can’t be an idiot, but I would rather be duped from time to time — and pay that price — than become a person who lives in mistrust. When I get duped, I just chalk it up to the rent I’m paying for not living on Planet Suspicious." - [Abigail Disney](https://www.thecut.com/2019/03/abigail-disney-has-more-money-than-shell-ever-spend.html)*

At the same time, we try so hard to manipulate the world for ourselves, to innovate and replace rather than maintain and preserve.

"More is better" permeates the world. Everything is measured in utility, a specific from of purpose. It seeps into our sense of self, where to have more is to be whole. Everything becomes another form of measurement and optimization. We tend to think of silence, boredom, and quiet to be negative things in our distracted, technological age.

> *"Engagement is about avoiding silences, eliminating boredom, filling every moment with some exchange of my attention for someone else’s profit—with the promise that it will be better than one of those moments of silence and boredom." -[Engagement is the Enemy of Serendipity](https://dancohen.org/2019/07/23/engagement-is-the-enemy-of-serendipity)*

We tend to find ourselves keeping busy, which I’ve discovered to be a form of sloth. Laziness isn’t only a habit of not doing anything but an indifference to life, a spiritual condition of not caring.

But we feel this way because we don't actually want to think, to contemplate the issues facing ourselves. We need the space to allow ourselves to step back, where serendipity is fostered. As designers harness the power of space in user interfaces and art, we could take note to do the same in other areas. Notably with our time.

### Sanctifying Time

> *Our hearts are restless, until they can find rest in you. -Augustine*

Can we learn to see our time as not flat (not all the same), but meaningful, even sacred? That being productive isn't about getting from A to B faster and "doing more" but experiencing more of what life gives us, of being fully alive?

> *"People always believe they save time by taking a taxi. Let's say you take a taxi and it takes 10 minutes when walking would take 20. Mathematically, you save 10 minutes. But in those 10 minutes in a taxi, you didn't experience anything." -["Why Walking is the Key to Being More Productive"](https://www.gq.com/story/why-walking-is-the-key-to-being-more-productive)*

We’re a people that tries so hard to be productive, to make it to the next job, school, step in life. It's in the city that never sleeps that we must practice intentional rest.

The Sabbath. The way we stop a cycle of overwork, burnout, anxiety may in the end be a stand against its goals entirely. To not do. A place where there is no striving or proving for a place. A place where we belong, our home.

I'm reminded of a book I read earlier, ["Liturgy of the Ordinary"](https://www.amazon.com/Liturgy-Ordinary-Sacred-Practices-Everyday/dp/0830846239) by Tish Harrison Warren, which asks: How do we "embrace the sacred in the ordinary and the ordinary in the sacred?" The author shows how the minutiae of daily life can be a source of joy as well as depth. Even the first chapter, Warren presents the simple act of waking up in the morning as a daily reminder of learning to be beloved by God.

When she wakes up tired and vulnerable, without any identity she has given herself (a child, friend, mom, employee, citizen, etc), God delights in her despite not having done anything. She gets up remembering her identity in Christ is given rather than earned.

### Surrender

Despite it being freely given, does serendipity "ask" anything of us? We need to leave "room" for it to show up: with our time, with where we are, with our thoughts. It's planning to be unplanned, to expect the unexpected.

There's no formula here, no obvious cause and effect. It goes beyond the notion of making use of our time productively. What's needed is downtime, free play, day-dreaming, the capacity to imagine again.

It asks more than we might realize at first. It calls for an act of surrender rather than an act of volition. We lay down our specific plans, strongest desires, and indomitable will in a hope unseen. We know in seeking serendipity that nothing is guaranteed, and yet we still commit to it. Why?

Because we experience a gift beyond what we expect, one that we understand we can’t attribute to our own doing. We realize that we aren't the captain of our souls and are humbled yet free. Serendipity, especially through the city, has shown me that life is all by grace, undeserved and yet somehow ours. I didn't even know it was what I was looking for, until it found me.

Henry's Zoo

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